Are blogs supposed to be happy go lucky? Or are they supposed to be frank and honest? I haven't really established a theme for this blog, a way of writing/speaking that makes it easy for me to automatically filter the information.
My conundrum - I would feel like a selfish prig if I wrote about how sharply my anxiety was peaking yesterday. How I had headaches all day because the money that was supposed to show up in my bank account yesterday didn't, because I was convinced I packed too much/not enough. Because I drove all the way to Oxmoor Mall to get specific makeup/my iPod fixed/voltage converters and failed at all three (a later trip to Target and Radio Shack fixed the converter and provided an alternate makeup choice). Because I couldn't get my iPod fixed and couldn't justify buying even a Nano based on my financial concerns and am stressed at the thought at being exposed (aurally) to the world of the airplane, be it stress causing/annoying/or both. How even this morning I'm more stressed out than excited.
Oh, and is this ironic? At 9:00 am I was just waking up and my phone rang. I saw it was my major medical provider, the VAMC, and naturally I ignored it. I checked my message immediately after it was left and it was my therapist, suggesting a modification to my medications, suggesting an anti-anxiety medication. She hoped I would be able to reach her before I left. So I spent ALL DAY stressing out over trying to get ahold of her, which I never could even though I called her 2 minutes after she left the message, to no avail. I left messages for her and called her all day, convinced my trip would be a wreck if I didn't get the new meds that I have never tried. It just seems ... ironic... that I was caused anxiety by the mere act of being suggested anti-anxiety meds. Weird.
I don't like talking about a lot of these personal things. But maybe this blog will help me to sort through them, if I'm open and honest and not too blasphemous or maudlin. I mean really, in 24 hours (more or less) I will be in Morocco. I consider myself blessed to have friends good enough to happily drive my ass to Cincinnatti for my flight (and to be picking me up from there in 5 weeks!), much less to have to opportunity to participate in the program.
I couldn't justify picking up the phone ONCE yesterday, either to answer or call anyone because I was CONVINCED I would miss Dr. J trying to reach me. I was concinved of this even at 9pm, when I knew she wouldn't be at work anymore. That made me guilty and thus more stressed.
Again, I was blessed on the other hand because I slept like a rock all night. Now I'm up, on time, getting finishing touches taken care of in my packing, getting ready to hit the road. I'm tired, but ready to roll with it.
About Me
- Ann Marie
- I would be remiss if I didn't extend my gratitude to the Fulbright program for this jaw-dropping opportunity, as well as to the Honors Department at the University of Louisville, for its hard work in ensuring my selection as an English Teaching Assistant to Oman for the 2012-2013 year. My brief bio - Born and raised in Amboy, WA, I attended Clark College in Vancouver, before going on to the University of Washington in Seattle where I earned a BFA in Fine Arts - Oil Painting in 2004. I then attended USMC Officer Candidate's School, and accepted a commission as a second lieutenant in the summer of 2005. I served for four years as a logistics officer, stationed in Camp Lejeune and deployed worldwide. After the conclusion of my commission, I moved to Louisville, KY where I attended the University of Louisville, achieving a BA in Art History and a minor in Middle East and Islamic Studies.
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